Welcome to my crappy world...

Welcome to my crappy world...
The inner landscape is often full of oxymorons...at least mine is!

Monday, April 8, 2019

Living between the "quotes"

"Time management is an oxymoron. Time is beyond our control, and the clock keeps ticking regardless of how we lead our lives. Priority management is the answer to maximize the time we have". what a great phrase by John C Maxwell!

As if life was that simple...

As if life and the society at large weren’t enough to fill our lives with oxymorons, we have these anonymously or famously quoted phrases that we come across quite frequently. Some can give you a new perspective, some can inspire you and some can really make you sick in your head.
When I look back at some of those quotes that have inspired me, I feel I have somewhere failed to read between the lines. I say that because  if moral policing with rebellious people, can be done only by reverse psychology, the morality gets imbibed in impulsive people like me by the motivational quotes that randomly appear before them and never by elderly guidance; you know the ones who tell you, “they have seen life so basically you don’t have to see it”.

For the impulsive me, I feel these quotes are most of the times the universe’s conspiracy to question my decisiveness.Few random experiences to tell you all how confusing my journey has been, but looks unapologetic retrospectively.

The “Trophy” husband
One of the quotes that put things into perspective recently for me was “winning is something, but participation is everything”. Now, its another thing that I took it quite seriously and ended up having more participation certificates than the winner trophies. All this never really mattered until I got a trophy husband who has almost won everything in his life, plus knows to cook. So, whenever I get trolled offline by his kith and kin about how lucky I am, I reiterate this magical phrase (in my head  of course) that works wonders for my ego- “blood is thicker than water”.

The forbidden truth
I think the two most decisive moments in a woman’s life is one at the twelfth grade and the other while choosing a life partner. Another famous quote goes something like..

"Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming; you have to start over again every morning"- H. Jackson Brown, Jr. 

Fortunately or unfortunately, the quotes on marriage somehow rings a bell only after you are married. On that note, drum rolls for all the married bravehearts.

Coming back to the twelfth grade when you have to make a career choice, I was exposed to the maximum motivational quotes. I have always envied people who know what they have to do at the age of 18. It’s right when they say “things forbidden have a secret charm”. No, I am not referring to those  who push the door that has a "pull" signage and vice versa. On a serious note, I chose to apply the forbidden theory to my career which may or may not necessarily be the wisest thing to do according to my parents, in my defense they should be happy that I didn’t apply it on my marriage.

Since, I was fond of creative things, I was thinking of architecture. The elderly guidance that can make a teenager sick in her head like “oh civil engineering is not for girls”, “you should opt for something safe like architecture or computer science and get a safe job”. So, the feminist in me who liked the forbidden fruit obviously opted for the forbidden. However, handling relatives and family friends who know nothing about being civil, I mean civil engineering (pun intended) was another task in itself.

Pressure "Cook"er
Another commonly used phrase in a patriarchal society is “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Now, I didn’t know how to cook before my kids were born so I had to start from the brain. So, I washed his innocent brain instead of the vegetables according to the popular belief in love marriages. 

Constants & variables
some quotes are so contradictory that it takes the mickey out of you. If one quote reads, “keep your friends close and your enemies closer", the other as per spiritual ecosphere says, “don’t ever let negative people rent space in your head”. By the time, one understands what’s positive and negative to them and apply these theories, the dynamics of the relationships would’ve changed, and it often leaves you self pitying about how you are still the same and everybody around you has changed.

Some of us are optimists, some pessimists and some are somewhere between these two. However, all of us want the best out of our lives. Ever since I have started questioning every theory around me before accepting or denying it, very few quotes have appealed to both my left brain and right brain and I am ending my words with one of them by Steve Jobs…

“you cannot connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So, you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever!”

Again, if life was that simple...

On that quote, happy introspecting!

Wednesday, February 20, 2019

When we were "hip" and could "hop"

“it is never too late to be what you might have been”. I realized my childhood dream of learning the basics of at least one dance form during my adolescence and thus enrolled to a one month salsa class organized at our college. According to me, there are two types of dancers, one that dances like no one is watching and the other kind who dances like every living or non-living organism is watching. My Capricorn husband who was my then and the only boyfriend I have ever had belonged to the latter kind. “When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change”. Alas, that challenge doesn’t look like one when you are in love.

Capricorns always like to know everything about the territory they are entering into so my Capricorn boyfriend decides to watch a video of the dance form and asked me “what if you don’t have a partner? To which I replied casually “they will assign” and he immediately enrolled to the class who until then enjoyed dancing only at Ganesh Visarjans without being socially awkward.

So, after the video it was time for the “google it” drill, that read “a dancer shifts their weight by stepping, the upper body remains level and nearly unaffected by the weight changes. The weight shifts cause the hips to move and my husband almost had an imaginary slipped disc. I somehow managed to convince him saying we will get some wonderful memories to narrate to our kids and now the most domesticated sun sign had to fall for it so he agreed.

After the initial warming up, the instructors started off by explaining the preferred dress code that included formal shoes for men and heels for women. Now, my partner is 6’ 2” tall and I on the other hand feel sometimes that my daughters will grow taller than me in a few months so heels sounded visually comforting. However, my partner is one of those who don't mind wearing a pair of formal shoes to a pub during happy hours but while dancing??? and that too when you are trying to separate your hip from the upper body? I had begun to lose my battle here. “so, you can put this in your resume?”, he added. His first dig at ruining my dancing dream.

Also, in this dance form there is a lead dancer and there is a follower; so the instructors decided to make each one of us dance with different partners each day just for us to get the hang of it or it may also be because it is a form of social dance like you dance to socialize. So my partner grins “you are a south Indian not a Cuban”. For those who don’t know, we south Indians bond over a cup of hot filter coffee.
He reluctantly agreed because there were two other tall girls who looked like Anne hathaway and Deepika Padukone, but the reluctance showed more on his face than the excitement so my friends were like “so cute” and I was like “yeah, my foot” and “my foot” was not the slang but a reaction to the stampede that had begun while doing the basic Salsa step with my partner. The only step where the feet movement is not rhythmic is when you turn your partner around so you can guess what must have happened with our height difference. I was sautéed deliciously. I guess the instructors had already given up on us by this time which got proved in the next incident that I am going to narrate.

Then the partner switch was proposed by the instructors and I was like “ok, let me get this right and teach him when we do it again”. Just, when I was gearing up to the offer, I heard my guy vehemently decline the offer by saying, “No, we are here to dance only with each other” and my friends were like “Awwwwee” and I could read the instructors’ faces though smiling, but actually said “yeah man, we are all uncultured people to dance with random people”. There was only one other girl in the room whose partner was a Capricorn (yes, I usually take note of everybody’s sun sign) who looked at me with empathy because Capricorns can trade anything to keep their reputation intact and here my Capricorn was actually safeguarding the other girls from stampede and his reputation from being sautéed.

So, then it was happily ever after since we danced like nobody was watching us because there was actually nobody watching us! Now, we do have a nice story to narrate to our kids.

This write up is dedicated to all those girls whose partners look obedient even in their passport photos, but only you get to meet their spirit animal.