Welcome to my crappy world...

Welcome to my crappy world...
The inner landscape is often full of oxymorons...at least mine is!

Wednesday, October 31, 2018

The Angry Eyebrows!

A few years ago, while I was still recovering from my cesarean delivery and had barely analyzed the features of my one-day-old baby girl, I could hear only one conversation running in the room, "Whom does she look like?". It was of course only my husband who had contributed to her genes according to his kith and kin. The twentieth time I heard that question, I frankly wanted to scream that she looks like a potato right now! I love my daughter but how can a day old baby resemble anybody! I think clashing of ideologies began that day and doesn't seem to cease anytime soon.

Child rearing is like those baby soap ads which looks all glossy and glamorous only on Instagram and Facebook and that too when others post them. 

Parenthood is already imposed with so many practical hiccups that sleepless nights are just too mundane to talk about. Your toddler wants to poop only when you are having your food and these two activities have coincided so many times that I no longer understand the difficulty of others when I can comfortably talk about healthy bowel movements while serving food to my guests. 

Talking about the generation gap, I feel I have one with my husband who is elder to me by a full 3 months, forget about my parents and in-laws. I am sure all the ladies out here will agree with me that most men have a tendency of becoming these idealist protective fathers especially to daughters and can get only worse if you are staying in a foreign country. My toddler started her pre-school about 6 months back and I have been depending on my husband to get her ready for school from the past few weeks due to my advancing pregnancy (Yay! the second one is on its way{Pun intended}). My daughter couldn’t have felt more South Indian as her dad generously applies a gallon of coconut oil on her and when I say on her it's literally all over and you know how he convinced her? He has told her that her teacher will not be able to catch hold of her for any mischief she does because she can easily slip away and I watched it helplessly because Dr. Benjamin Spock says that parents should always pose like a team in front of their kids and trust me I felt nothing short of Saurav Ganguly in front of Greg Chappell. 

A week later she was playing around when we were watching a regional movie, which had a scene where a forest officer couldn't catch the thieves because they were disguised as local tribes with lots of oil all over their bodies and my daughter immediately got all excited saying "Just like me and my teacher" and my husband jumped with joy saying, "Yes, very good observation!". That is when I felt the apples don't fall far from the tree.

The battlefield can get only messier when it comes to the already messed up education system. My husband studied in a Kannada medium school till his tenth grade and then suddenly was enrolled into an international residential school because his parents felt his academic career can be better and he, of course, had his hardships due to the transition and overcame them due to his sheer quest for ambition and hard work. On the contrary, I studied in a CBSE school till my tenth grade and then suddenly joined a pre-university college where Geetha Gyana Yagnas used to be conducted every Saturdays because my parents felt I was losing on my traditional values which I successfully entrenched, thanks to my quest for clarity of thought. So, clearly, the confusion has always prevailed. We want our kids to be globally relevant yet retain the juxtaposed traditional concepts. This requirement has posed so many questions in my mind while growing up and still does that I feel at odds when I get free parenting tips especially from people whose current status is that of a non-parenting one!
                                                               However, parenthood is one such battlefield where the middle ground has to be found inevitably and we have to bow down to Dr. Spock and play a reluctant team player many a time. So, we decided to enrol her to a school that has an ICSE curriculum, a territory unknown to both of us. 

As I tread through these ideologies feeling like a bundle of contradictions who is always the villain in the household and whenever my daughter asks me "Mom are you still wearing those angry eyebrows?", I wonder if she will ever know that her mother's eyebrows are the proudest set of eyebrows whether trimmed or not which probably may never get noticed. Well, that's why my mother laughs whenever she sees me juggling with these thoughts. I can literally hear her say in my head "been there, done that!" and now it's my turn. 

Tuesday, August 28, 2018

A Feminist's Confessions

Feminism- the outcome of choosing such a topic lies in the state of one’s mind while penning down thoughts. If you are feeling good then it can motivate men to become feminists. Otherwise, it can simply turn out to be a hate speech. 
 This ideology has many facets depending on the societal class one belongs to or the political situation one is subjected to. While we have few women fighting for equal pay at work and longer maternity leaves, we still have a lot of them struggling for basic political rights & requirements pertaining to personal health. So, this topic has a wide spectrum. Therefore, I will talk briefly about only one such stigma plaguing our society that dictates traditional gender-specific roles and I believe its impact is mostly on the middle-class ambitious women. The conscience is quite clear when it comes to other sections of our society. On one end, if we have women entrepreneurs paving their way to the Forbes list, on the other end the need for every family member to be financially contributive irrespective of their gender is a bare minimum necessity. There are always exceptions to every philosophy.
I believe the main hurdles in bringing about reforms in a patriarchal society are the women themselves because some of them are more male chauvinist than the men themselves. This can even be seen in most of the movies and if carefully observed even in our day to day lives where women either convince or confuse in prompting other women to take a back seat, to underplay their boldness & to morally make only women responsible to be the flag bearers of tradition and domestication.
These gender-specific roles have equally been a spoilsport in men’s lives as well. They have equally been pressurized to be the remunerative parent or son. We have always undervalued their role as caretakers. This is also another major root cause for men not being encouraged to consider full-time childrearing in the initial years of the child birth which can only aid both parents in thoroughly enjoying parenthood and suffer less on the career front.
In the middle-class fraternity, appointing a nanny is either financially challenging or morally questionable. Motherhood is certainly a blessing, but I am sure some of us who are god loving & not god fearing have at times complained about the bigger baggage it gets along. There have been times, where I have cringed looking at some of my friends (without kids) frequently holidaying or felt left behind looking at their updates in linked in profiles or for that matter even praying to god to have had twins so that there is career break only once. These kinds of thoughts never get empathized with; where a woman can seldom prioritize self-care over the needs of her family without guilt.
I strongly believe we can hope to live in a world where female strength is not remarkable but merely normal by empowering men to embrace domestic roles without much hassle. This will, of course, take its time, but there can be a beginning towards normalization. I believe there are already few positive exceptions to this as well. It’s time to fight for longer paternity leaves & benefits now that we have a few good reforms through the maternity benefits act. This change can go a long way in considering motherhood as a true blessing.
A woman’s life is already a bundle of time-bound settlements right from choosing professions to suit the domestic life, getting married at a certain age, making babies at the right time (with the biological clock ticking) and then, of course, the default caretaker of the young ones and the old ones. I used to wonder how some women pull off a successful career amidst all of this. I found a practical answer to this through one of the speeches of Indra Nooyi where she said a woman can never really do anything without adopting little coping mechanisms and stop feeling guilty for not doing enough.
When a woman is deprived of the decision making positions & from being financially independent, the ideological, social & creative freedom we all talk about is merely a theory. Consequently, we will have a lot of women frustrated & delusional and end up being feminazis instead of feminists. On the practical front, we are foolishly undermining the unpredictable life where a lot of women are left unprepared to take charge during the crisis.
With the current Prime Minister of New Zealand being the first sitting Prime Minister to be pregnant whilst in office, there is a silver lining in instilling compassion and empathy amongst the genders & in making motherhood just another milestone.
The man who gave me wings to fly- my father, had a better sense of home d├ęcor than me;
The man who showed me my maternal side much before I became a mother- my brother, has more inclination towards gold than me;
The man who is fueling my dreams-my husband is a far better cook than me.

All this makes me wonder if the world can be a happier place if we all just choose to do what we like best instead of being dictated by gender governing traits. 

Monday, July 16, 2018


As the name suggests, it’s the desire to wander which sometimes happens by choice and the other times without one. I have been a true wanderer both in terms of my mind (with innumerable questions) & my feet literally doing the city hopping. I have a few anecdotes from my experiences that I would like to share today that will hopefully give you all a peek-a-boo into my life’s journey so far.
I was born in Mysore, Karnataka the cultural capital of the state as it is widely known, but I’d prefer to call it one of the most well planned & cleaner cities of India. I received formal education till my engineering in Mysore & having born in the year 1987, my childhood was pretty much the same as that of any 90’s kid across the country which had chances of developing cold occasionally due to playing in the mud or rain rather than developing a texting thumb syndrome due to smartphones.
Thank god for that!
I always thought I knew my city very well until my husband who was my then boyfriend busted that bubble. My husband hails from Hiriyur, a small town in Chitradurga another historic place in Karnataka who had enrolled for an engineering course in Mysore(basically destined to meet me). That’s my first stint with a traveler’s insight. A visitor can know so much more than yourself about your city. He made me realize that I knew only the locations of all the pani puri stalls in the city (perhaps a little more than that).
At that point in my life, never had I thought I would be city hopping henceforth which holds good even today!
As destiny had it, I moved to Pune to do my Masters. I think from then on, I have been haunted with a question “will I ever get a chance to stay in my hometown for longer duration?”
So here I was at the juncture of my life where I formed strong opinions about the city like an outsider just by looking at the badly maintained forts & conveniently felt that my city was much better mainly because I had a bad experience with an autorickshaw driver, felt the idlis served were too hard and they didn’t know to prepare filter coffee! However, the puneite in me had seamlessly taken over my mysorean emotion. I remember explaining to someone that Pune was like Mysore of Maharashtra because I had found a new home away from home.
Life has its magical ways to teach you lessons like they say what goes around comes around. I had to stay in Bangalore for 2 months in a hostel during my internship. I had a Bengali roommate who once had a bad experience with an auto driver & decided to hold the entire Bangalore responsible for his bad behavior. Strangely, that’s how visitors judge any new city guys! I could only laugh at my past and wished she would find her Bangalorean connection soon.
On that note, thank god Dubai doesn’t have autorickshaws!
My next stop was Hyderabad for my first job. My first salary, my first high of being financially independent. Nevertheless, my struggle with food was still on as I am a vegetarian and u will have to satisfy yourself with dal pappu in Hyderabad for being one. Things got a little better when I got familiar with veg biriyani (though my non vegetarian friends strongly refrain me from using “veg” as a prefix for biriyani). Having had a chance to visit my hometown only for a fortnight every 4 months I was again left gasping with the same question- “will I ever get a chance to stay in my hometown for longer duration?”
Then, Doha happened!
With Pakistani, Egyptian, Sudanese, Filipino neighbours, the concept of co-existence beyond boundaries practically materialized. Of course, u tend to take a huge learning about one’s culture & cuisine & my first interplay with the middle east folklore has been an everlasting one.
I got my Qatari PR renewed only to find myself applying for a PR in Dubai in the next few months. Apart from meeting all my old friends from Engineering & post graduation who are working here, another best thing that has happened to me is, I have reconnected with my most enjoyed interest that is blogging.
Finally, I got the opportunity to stay in my hometown for a considerable amount of time during my brother’s wedding & relive my growing up days. Trust me; I made the most of it. However, on the last day when one of my cousins remarked that it would be nice if only I could’ve stayed a bit longer, I was amused at my reaction. I told her I can’t wait to get back to Dubai to my husband & daughter!
About homecoming? 
I have come to realize that home is whom you come to rather than where you to go to. I would love to come back home any day to my kids, husband, parents & parents-in-law. This ideal home that can have all my loved ones under one roof resides in my mental celluloid & I wonder if it will ever cease to be a reality.

As I continue to wander, every city I have invested my time in has left a piece of its essence in me & I have left a piece of myself in every place I have touched...
happy backpacking!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Random Roommate theory

Seldom you feel the need to wake up early to rejuvenate your outlook and revive your beliefs. Shocked were my parents and so was my homogeneous roommate when they learnt about my extreme step of saluting the Sun when its rising. Well this post is not about my rejuvenation, its about random roommate theory(something like big bang:-))

In a new city, when everything feels alien to your conscience you don't get to choose your roommates. You are meant to be with that bunch. So, I randomly met my roommates on a random street on a random day & finally decided to stay with them on a totally random basis.It so happened that the days to come were filled with joy, sharing, laughter, envy, tolerance, intolerance & crimes:-)

Yesterday one of my roommates' marriage got fixed and she shall be leaving us soon. So, I randomly realized this early morning that the days spent together can be paralleled with the survival of the fittest paradigm. There have been days I have felt like I have had the time of my life and there have been days I felt like packing my bags  & leaving without notice. It's only now that I have envisaged the good fortune of only exchanging cold vibes at the times of great crisis. I remember being asked once about the stream of communication I'd prefer- written or oral. I couldn't decide then, but I feel there wouldn't have been a better time than now to know that its written (for a sole reason that I have anger management issues) because it helps you appear sorted though you are not.
Fortunately, I've always shared a comfortable bond with all my roommates so far except for a racism fanatic and a pachyderm:-). The reason I feel I can attend all their weddings without any setbacks is that I have vented it out when my inner peace was under trouble and I have pumped in love and humor when it had even crossed the oxygen content in my blood. The means I have opted to vent out may be considered as hypocrisy by all the idealists as I subconsciously and consciously relied on back fence talks.
How Could she...?
How can anyone do that...?
I do not understand....Its out of my comprehensive orbit...
& the likes.....
Nonetheless, I have adored them & I still do:-)

Its a situation when you realize that its best that you swear to god to keep the dark secrets that you coldly witness in the dark hoping that yours will be buried too without making you feel blameworthy. Its a sacred oath & applies fairly & largely on roommates. Any intention of trying it on others is totally one's own liability for it may result in a total random success or otherwise.

So, my conclusion of the random roommate theory is that one needs short term memory or should have friends whose memory lapses randomly, mercy and lots of humor to survive and survive happily amidst the bundles of contradictions!
So so so now follows the sacred adult slogan for all those who have had random roommates....

" We spit in the same bowl,
   We shit in the same hole,
   Only we know where one has got his/her mole!"

Dedicated to Haathi, Piggu & Icu..:-)

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

The Balance Act!

We all have certain hackneyed phrases that make us want to tear our hair. I do have one, “You have to balance my dear". Well, I can definitely relate to something like a controlled behaviour, but the act of balancing somehow never seemed comprehensive perhaps will never appeal to me in future as well. It certainly helps you get the title of a well balanced woman/man in the eyes of the society. However, I feel the need to be the saviour of this society and family and what not that has unflattering and curbing rules is the easiest way to be a victim of “Flush yourself" syndrome. My intention here is not to sound like an anti- social body, but to raise my vote for an eclipsed behaviour rather than a guilt-tripping one because if you are not yourself you are in disguise. 

There are so many times when you just want to say and do things the way you actually feel, but the same never gets vocal or applied for the greater good (at least that is what most of the diplomats feel), because in my opinion minds that can both forget and forgive hardly coexist. You'll either have some to taunt about the bygones or some who tend to cut you off if they cannot let go of certain incidents. I think the balancing act is the biggest irony of life, for I still fail to understand if it is a threat to freedom or tact to lead a life free of oppositions. The juxtaposed thought arises because we often come across people who believe in saying yes to everything and everyone and mutely carving their ways to get what they want plus it works magically. On the other hand, we have people who just burst out and don't balance their nice and not so nice words and this works only when their planetary positions are favourable. Sometimes, I also feel that most of the women do the balancing act to woo men because you strangely come across as a sexy woman when you confuse people and men are rare too who can fearlessly flaunt their extreme thoughts. Somewhere, we give up being ourselves tired, irritated and more dangerously convinced. 

This post is for all the free-spirited people who feel freedom is like oxygen and need a lungful of it each time they breathe, but realign their thoughts with "Ifs and Buts" subconsciously and most of times very much consciously manifesting things conveniently to fit into a bunch of society saviours who write blogs whenever their frustrations have flown and settled.

Finally a demonstration to demonstrate the consequence of an unbalanced diet.
X- You have to voice your opinion; else they will take you for granted.

Y- You need to be a little submissive. Simple things can get complicated. Calm down and think with a cool head. Somebody has to lose.

Z- Time shall pass. Do not take hasty decisions. You will get opportunities. Just relax.

&....What do you wanna do?
XYZ- I actually wanna take a dump because I had too much food thinking what to do!!!

Sunday, February 27, 2011


Thoughts often volatize into dreams
By thoughts, I mean the ones
That I emptied myself into
Before I know they are bygones
I find nursing the newborns

The fire never burns out
It just blazes inside out
My soul wants to be painted
With beauty, dreams though rented

Thou make me feel beautiful
I am in my dreamscape
Gaping at the valleys
And thou beside me
Your eyes speak more than your words
Hoping I would unleash from the spell
My eyes are now less colloquial

Yet your superficial gaze
Makes my heart leap few beats
I am in my dreamscape
Oh! I feel beautiful

The music fades and I look for you and...
You are gone, may be
In quest of your own dreams
I found seized in my own dreams
Yet the fire never burns out
It just blazes inside out

The chase meets a breakthrough
And my soul is not feeling blue
Thou still make me feel beautiful
For the beauty lies in the state of mind
The dreamer in me is no more blind
The voyage continues with hope, dreams & spirit pined!

Friday, January 7, 2011

Moral Flexibility;)

I really think "Moral flexibility" is one of the traits which need to be mentioned in my CV hereafter along with stuff like "Responsible", "Diligent", Blah blah.... My rules were very simple before I began working. You are bad- I am bad. You are good- I am very good (I get a little carried away ;-)). This was morality to me in its simplest form.

It happened so that I applied for leave last week and I had mentioned the dates denoting my leave of absence(it summed up to a week including 2 Sundays and a Saturday). But, (The volatile rules of English allows the usage of conjunctions in the beginning of the sentences provided the strong requirement of the same is justifiable and this one surely is) my boss who is so used to me not applying for leave didn't happen to see the dates and he assumed that I am only going for 3 days alike most of them in my office who are all localities damn it. Therefore, my leave was approved! Actually only my leave was approved. The rest had to go through some drama before they could pull it off.

Apparently, until today I thought that my boss was considerate enough to have noticed my sincerity in terms of attendance. But, (again the same rule) when it dawned to him that it was an approval given by accident he gave an expression which sucked all the expressions from my face and I had a blank one( Like the one I used to have during my oral exams back in school..lol).

I was praising him since a week before some of my colleagues saying that he knows who works sincerely and who doesn't. More importantly I felt all those unofficial adjustments I made regarding his attendance is all totally worth it. Now that I respect him due to his strong sense of conviction for almost everything, I can't hate him for this guilt filled leave sanction. So, I decided to expand my boundary of morality and decided not to apply that "you are bad- I am bad" policy. I believe subconsciously we all are morally flexible, but sometimes it makes you feel betrayed!